Infocus: with mother Theresa Shields
“The month of confinement, or 坐月, is by definition sitting of a moon. So a new mother is required to sit for the duration of an entire moon cycle.”
Theresa Shields is a mother to Mason (9), Noah (5) and Remi (3), living in Singapore. An instant mum crush, our relationship blossomed online via late night dm’s, the sharing of mum woes and everything in between. When Victoria’s borders finally opened (post-pandemic), we could finally meet in real life. So on a typical freezing Melbourne day, we broke bread, and by bread, I mean cheap delicate prawn and chicken dumplings with peach bubble tea. From here, our connection strengthened. Theresa’s heritage is Chinese, so after a degree managing three kids alone with her husband Luke (with very little family support), decided to relocate from the Gold Coast to be embraced by her village in Singapore. As someone who thrives off travel and loves the idea of relocating at some point, this interview was a gentle reminder of how changeable and moveable children are. In this interview, we discuss Theresa’s postpartum journey, cultural identity and love for her three boys.
We loved your podcast recording on Australian Birth Stories. All three birth so different (including two successful VBACs) but what was consistent was the way honoured your postpartum with the help of your own mother. Can you explain the month of confinement is to our readers and how your mum helped you to achieve this?
The month of confinement, or 坐月, is by definition sitting of a moon. So a new mother is required to sit for the duration of an entire moon cycle.. this timeline varies between 28 and 40 days. Confinement started initially to protect the mother and baby when mortality rates were high. In order to keep them safe, they kept the mother and baby inside. As the years went by, it was seen as an important tradition to continue to look after mum, giving her body a chance to recover and really prioritising mum and baby learning about each other. My darling mother absolutely held me through this time. She compromised on the things I felt like I could not do (ie not showering for 28 days) and single-handedly made every meal I consumed for the first 4 weeks. I was deeply nourished as I entered each brand new stage of my life— mother, mother of 2, mother of 3. To feel safe and held in a time like that by my own mother is an incredible, cathartic experience.
Did you feel like this was deemed strange by your peers?
Prior to having my first son, I was incredibly resistant to the idea of confinement. While I grew up in Singapore, most of my adult life was spent in Australia and I felt like the idea of jumping back into my “normal” life was what I wanted. To be like the other women who’d had babies in Australia, “bouncing back”. But when I actually was in the midst of my confinement period at home, all I heard from the women in my mother’s group was that they wished they had what I had. A support system that is so unwavering and so sacrificial.
For all our readers who don’t know, blood in traditional Chinese medicine is an extension of breast milk, so to make it you’ve got to consume it. What are some of your favourite meals your mum cooks for you?
Oh this is a tough one! I mean, there’s the black vinegar pork trotters or sesame oil chicken? The fish and papaya soup? I truly cannot tell you the flavours of my mother's food, it’s something else.
Was there a sense of mourning during your last birth, knowing it would be your last?
Do you know what, I absolutely knew it was my last. Whilst I thought I’d be more mournful, I think I was actually just so lucid to it. It all felt so tangible. There’s something about being radically aware of your last baby. You just see it all so differently.
You’ve been through all the ages. Tell us your fave age and why?
Three! I absolutely love the 3-year-old. Something about a small person discovering all of their thoughts and opinions on things, it just gets me every time.
Tell us the logistics of moving overseas with three kids (eeek).
Hahaha well… I don’t recommend it! Especially not through a pandemic. The kids weren’t even the issue. We packed our lives into seven suitcases and the kids were dream travellers. During the time there were insane travel restrictions like staying in a hotel room with no openable windows for seven days. It was hard, but I'd do it all again to get here.
I imagine there was a massive adjustment for the boys. Did you find this challenging or surprisingly seamless?
Whenever someone asks me this, I almost choke up because my kids have been amazing. I cannot even explain how much resilience has been shown by these boys. I was prepared to give them as much grace as they needed, and spent a lot of time making sure they felt safe, to be upset and to be fragile. But they’ve just taken it all so wonderfully. A very big part of that is my parents — they have loved all the time they get with my folks. So I have to say it’s been pretty seamless.
Will the boys be brought up bilingual?
That is my intention but I would be lying if I said it’s been successful!
What does the term village mean to you?
Holding someone through the moments where they feel most undeserving of it.
The word Mother means…
Tenderness.
A tune you have on repeat.
Wildflowers by Zimmer & Panama
Family mealtime tastes like…
三菜一汤, 3 dishes one soup. A very simple but whole dinner here is usually a family-style serving of 1 meat, a veggie, an egg dish and a brothy soup alongside steaming bowls of rice.
One thing you miss most about Australia.
My friends. The ocean. The incredible coffee. People saying G’day on the street. Hot chips. Sorry did you say one thing?
Follow Theresa’s journey here.
https://www.instagram.com/theresaleeshields/
https://australianbirthstories.com/podcast/episode-275/