Unlearning Old Body Hang Ups for Our Kids
“Raising a young girl is a privilege but it doesn’t come without its gravity and responsibility.”
It took me 32 years and the birth of my baby to be truly satisfied with my body. I spent a lot of my early developmental years dancing and performing until my early adulthood. Dance is an incredibly cerebral and intelligent art form, but physically it requires extreme commitment and disciple. Incased in every rehearsal studio is a full-length mirror. Moving daily for up to eight hours places so much strain on the body, and just because you are moving all the time doesn't mean you have a healthy relationship with food. For many years society held a baleful version of what a dancer should look like. As if it wasn’t hard enough to succeed in an already categorically competitive and strenuous career path.
In a recent study, according to data collected by Eating Disorders Victoria, about 16.3 per cent of the population experience eating disorders within their lifetime, with about 1 million Australians experiencing an active eating disorder at any given time. Of the one million, it’s estimated that 63 per cent of sufferers are female. So if you were triggered by your birthing body and even more so your postpartum body, you are not alone.
In the first weeks of becoming a new mother, a woman's body and mind go through an unparalleled journey. The combination of endless hours of feeding and rocking, surging hormones, combined with sleep deprivation while you process your birth is something only a mother can truly understand. Leaning into your new skin after birth can be one of the most challenging things to do, particularly with the external pressures put on mothers in western society. The bounce-back culture in the west is truly toxic for new mothers. When I first attended my council mothers group I met a woman who had slipped her disc five weeks postpartum at high-intensity training after having a caesarean section birth. If only there was a re-education or unlearning that rest is as powerful as moving. And instead of grieving our old jeans we simply bought new ones. That we valued ‘sitting and being’ as much as we did ‘rushing and doing’.
There is no doubt that I carried a lot of my body issues with me into my own birth space and it was something I was very conscious about not passing on. Raising a young girl is a privilege but it doesn’t come without its gravity and responsibility.
If you are mothering small kids, you’ll probably begin to notice how aware they are from the opinions of what they enjoy wearing, how they fit in at daycare to what makes them look so unique. Research has found that how a child feels about their body starts to develop as early as three years, even though the benefits of positive or negative feelings directed at their body may not manifest till years later. It’s so hard to unlearn pathways that have been so ingrained in you. But it is in the unlearning, it was I truly believe for such great conscious parenting.
I invested in a course called Confident Body, Confident Child hosted by a group of psychologists. The course is evidence-based research and promotes the development of a healthy positive image, promoting healthy eating habits and attitudes towards food from a secular perspective.
Here are some of the learnings I thought were super interesting and may be of interest to our readers.
Take care with what you say
Kids are so perspective. It’s easy to slip into patterns that focus on praising our kids based on appearance because tiny beings are so often 'cute'. But saying they are beautiful all the time is really just lazy. A child's self-worth should be affirmed by how generous, intelligent, interesting or creative they are. Their legs are unique because they can walk, jump, fly and dance rather than focusing on the fact that they are thin and tall.
Sometimes food instead of bad food
Rather than coining foods into being bad or good, the course encourages parents to use the words ‘sometimes ‘as there is less guilt associated with these words. A relaxed and balanced attitude is crucial in establishing healthy eating patterns. We eat healthy food ‘most of the time’ because it has a positive response in our body, it makes us grow and gives us energy, but sometimes foods are also enjoyable.
No Screens, please
Popping a kid at the table in front of the screen is a truly isolating and disassociating experience. Screens block our ability to be present; with this, we cannot tap into how we feel. We don’t know when we are full or even hungry. The course emphasised the importance of having no distracting electronics at the table. That goes for parents and their phones.
Family Meal time is worth it
It may seem impossible to get a family dinner on the table at 5.30pm when you are a working parent, but the benefits are truly endless. The course emphasised that family-shared meal times are a pleasant time for interaction, engagement, conversion and connection. They are also a time for parents to display healthy behaviour and relationships with food. The right time to introduce new flavours, textures and cultures. A shared meal creates memories and tradition. You may have a curry night or a favourite pasta bake you make. This ritualist approach to food subtly but powerfully creates positive memories with your kids. The whole family can get involved. Get your kids to help with the food prep and help design the family menu. Sitting alone is no fun for anyone.