The Turning of Three
“The Big Three. An Age of Becoming...”
My daughter turned three and it’s undeniable that she is no longer a toddler but a small girl. Physically her body is tall and lean. There is less softness to her shape. With each birthday, I always reflect on the past year we have experienced as a family. It’s hard to remember all the details, some days/ some moments murkier than others. I write her a birthday letter and pop it in the box, which I’ll give her when she is older. I’ve been collecting them since birth. There are now three.
The past twelve months have been truly transformative. We said goodbye to all things baby: the highchair, the nappies, the pram. We said goodbye to the mushy food and breastfeeding to sleep.
Instead, we welcomed language, humour and wild feelings. Feelings are sometimes so big that they can only be articulated through the physical explosion.
She can tell me why she feels sad and what actions move her in specific ways. There is so much joy in her personality, but I can also see shades of darkness, a deepness to her soul that unfolds.
She can get into a car seat, shower herself and brush her teeth all unsupervised. These small tasks used to be part of the daily rituals we use to share together.
We have two-way conversations, unlike the type where she points to a ball and says what she sees, tiny details that she remembers, what she learnt at school and who she played with.
She has real friends. Friends who appreciate her humour and make her feel wanted, special.
She points to ballet dancers in storybooks and tells me their names, pointing at the details of their shoes and hair pieces.
She remembers streets and directions, sights and sounds. The familiar spaces feel like home.
With this, I feel like I am coming up for fresh air. The kind that isn't riddled with guilt. The kind that makes me feel more and more like my former self. And as she grows bigger, I feel she respects my autonomy. She knows I don’t have the strength to carry her for long stints.
We know each other well now. She knows I am there to comfort her and I know she is there to comfort me. All the big feelings of having a big girl. I don’t feel sad. Just proud of how far we have come.
No one told me three would be the best.
